When Waiting Feels Like a Wilderness

But the thing about fruit is that before we ever see evidence of it, it’s already growing. It can’t outrun the process it takes to come to fruition.

I haven’t been very motivated to write lately, so my posts have had some large gaps. But I want to steward this and the other things God has placed in my hands well. Honestly, so much has been going on that it has affected my motivation and will to write. Still, I realize I can’t and shouldn’t always wait for the outcome When Waiting Feels Like a Wilderness

I haven’t been very motivated to write lately, so my posts have had some large gaps. But I want to steward this and the other things God has placed in my hands well.

Honestly, so much has been going on that it has affected my motivation and will to write. Still, I realize I can’t and shouldn’t always wait for the outcome to look the way I want before I move.

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A Prolonged Season of Waiting

Transparently, I have been in a prolonged waiting and wilderness season. Looking back, I see how much I’ve desired to escape the discomfort. I’ve done things to temporarily take myself out of it, only to end up right back in this seemingly dry and desolate place.

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The Pattern

A couple of weeks ago, I had to make a very hard decision. For context, I was fired in April after only five or six weeks in that role. That role was the third time in a year I had been fired, each time I truly believe unjustly.

I went from never being fired in my life (though I’ve walked away from uncomfortable jobs) to being fired back to back to back. The third time came after a very candid moment with God when I admitted I didn’t feel like I belonged there.

After that, I was more willing to listen—but that doesn’t mean this process has been easy.

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Another Decision Point

So, a couple of weeks ago, I submitted myself for another law firm role, knowing I was also supposed to be making a career and life changing decision.

After submitting myself for the role, I felt the same unrest I’ve felt over the last couple of years when faced with similar choices.

This time, for the first time, I chose to go with my gut and withdraw my application. I thanked my recruiter and informed her I was going in a different direction.

The reasoning could seem both logical and illogical depending on how you look at it. But I know that every firm I’ve joined, no matter how much more money they offered, I eventually came to the same place: feeling restricted and like I wasn’t supposed to be there.

Over the last couple of years, journaling helped me realize that maybe I kept putting myself in those spaces just to escape the discomfort of waiting for my next.

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Learning Not to Rush the Fruit

I believe we live in a generation (especially as a millennial) where things appear to come fast, and if something doesn’t look good for a season or several seasons, we assume there’s no fruit there.

But the thing about fruit is that before we ever see evidence of it, it’s already growing. It can’t outrun the process it takes to come to fruition.

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When Waiting Feels Heavy

That said, the waiting period can really suck. I’ve felt at times like it won’t happen—whatever “it” is.

I know my life is shifting, and I’m intent on listening for direction, but saying I don’t know feels so irresponsible, like I’m not trying or motivated or willing.

Some days I cry (all day lol), some days I feel motivated and affirmed, and others I don’t even know what to feel.

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Stretched but Still Standing

In this space, I’m being stretched—sometimes way beyond my capacity. I’ve wanted to give up and just go home.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t ready for this season to pass. But even when it does, I know everything won’t suddenly be perfect.

I’ll face new challenges and experience things that make me confront uncomfortable truths about myself and about the world we live in.

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My Hope

But the one thing that keeps me going is this:

My hope is not in the world, the outcome, or my abilities.
My hope is in Jesus.

Reflection

What has God been teaching you in your own waiting season?
How has He been stretching you to trust Him beyond what you can see?

@juss.shayla (IG) /thebakinglawyer (tiktok)