Therapy Doesn’t Work… Unless You Do

Whenever I talk with people about healing, no matter their age, I often hear: “therapy doesn’t work for everyone.”

And while that may feel true, here’s what I’ve learned: therapy doesn’t work unless you do.

Healing—what I like to call “heart work”—is not glamorous. It’s not the polished version you see on social media. It’s often ugly, long, hard, and frustrating. But it’s worth it.

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Shopping for Healing

I became committed to healing my heart, and that meant “shopping” around for therapists. The ones that didn’t work for me had different reasons—sometimes we just didn’t connect.

I remember meeting with a counselor through the Lawyers and Judges Assistance Program. She was kind, but from another cultural background, and as I shared, I could tell she didn’t quite understand. Eventually, I asked her directly if she got what I was saying. We both realized it might be better for me to work with someone who could more fully understand my experiences.

And that’s okay. Finding the right therapist is part of the process.

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The Myth of the “Perfect” Therapist

Even after finding a therapist I clicked with, I quickly learned: the “perfect” therapist doesn’t exist.

What matters is finding someone who is professional, aligns with your values, and is committed to helping you move toward healing. But even then—I had to do the work.

She gave me homework. She asked questions that challenged the very identity I had built. Some days, I left sessions feeling worse, not better. But those hard conversations became the soil for real growth.

We developed a plan together—a living plan I still revisit and adjust often—to help me cope.

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Beyond the Couch

Since moving to Los Angeles, it’s been difficult to find another therapist. There’s a shortage because more people are seeking help (which I love to see). While I keep searching, I lean on the tools I gained in therapy to ground myself.

I also see a psychiatrist for ADHD, and I participate in a support group for people who have lost loved ones to homicide. These pieces all work together. They don’t replace therapy, but they help sustain me while I search for the right fit here.

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Therapy Is Work

Everyone deserves the opportunity to go to therapy. But therapy is not a checklist. It’s work.

It took me a full year to address just one issue in therapy. For months, I circled around it, working through other things. Whenever the topic came up, I brushed it off, gaslighting myself with a “socially acceptable” answer.

That’s the thing—healing asks you to face the truth, not the story you’ve rehearsed.

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The Start of Healing

We all carry trauma at different levels. But if we are willing to be open—and do the work of finding the right fit in therapy (and also, for me, in Jesus)—healing is a beautiful realization.

The greatest fruit I’ve seen has been in my relationships: with God, with my family, and with others. Healing taught me to look inward, not just asking, “what’s wrong with me?” but instead, “what habits or patterns have I built out of hurt?”

That is where the work begins.

My very first therapist told me something I’ll never forget:

“Mental health is the only area where you have to self-diagnose before you seek help.”

So ask yourself honestly: What do I need? What am I ready to face?

And then—go after healing. Because it is truly a beautiful place to dwell.

@juss.shayla (ig) / thebakinglawyer (tiktok)