I Am Not a Nice Person

I am not a nice person.

As a Christian, that declaration may seem counterproductive, even contradictory. But here’s what I’ve learned: my “niceness” was tied to an insatiable desire to please people.

To not offend anyone.
To make sure no one was uncomfortable.
To bend myself so no toes were stepped on.

But the truth is—we cannot control how people respond to us. Their responses are shaped by their own perceptions, experiences, and wounds. That’s something I have no power over.

This doesn’t mean my intentions erase the impact of my actions. I can’t decide for someone else how they are affected by me—that would be gaslighting. But what I can do is endeavor to live with kindness, honesty, and love. Not perfectly, but intentionally.

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Like many people, I don’t even know when I became a people pleaser. It happened slowly, over time.

I remember never wanting anyone to feel unhappy with me.
I over-explained myself.
I swallowed the words I needed to say.
I ignored my own feelings just to protect someone else’s comfort.

And spoiler alert—people were still unhappy with me anyway.

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Healing came with the realization that I have to let people be where they are and feel what they feel.

The truth is: I am not responsible for someone else’s emotions. I cannot police what makes another person happy or sad. And even with the best intentions, some people will still dislike something I’ve done.

And I’m learning to be okay with that.

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To walk in my purpose, I had to release myself from the prison of needing to be liked.

It’s still a challenge, especially in those moments where I know I haven’t done anything wrong—yet people are still upset or offended. Those moments test me the most.

My instinct is to defend myself, to argue my point, to prove I didn’t deserve the criticism. But I’m learning the quiet strength of “letting people.”

Letting them have their response.
Letting them think what they think.
Letting go of my need to fix it.

That doesn’t mean subjecting myself to abuse—verbally, physically, or emotionally. It means being okay with whatever reaction someone has, while choosing my own response in a way that keeps my integrity intact and my safety protected.

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This lesson applies everywhere: with superiors, with people I lead, with friends, with strangers.

It requires me to let go of my pride so I can remain in a position to do what I am called to do—without offense weighing me down.

So no, I am not a nice person.

I am a person who aspires to be kind.
To be loving.
To be true to where I am in the moment.

There is far more humility in that than in endlessly striving to never upset anyone.

@juss.shayla (IG) / thebakinglawyer (tiktok)