Trusting God When His Plan Doesn’t Match Mine

I used to think surrendering to God meant letting go of things that were bad for me. That’s the easy part — or at least easier. What I didn’t expect was that God would also ask me to release things I had long dreamed of, prayed for, and shaped my life around. Letting go of those things felt like letting go of myself. But over and over, God has shown me that my desires and His will don’t always match — and that’s where my faith is truly tested.

One of the hardest things for me in my walk with God is pivoting from things I thought should have gone another way. I tell myself I am willing to do whatever God wants, but there are places where this declaration has been constantly challenged. Not in areas where He asks me to release things that are harmful, but in areas where I am called to release things I have long desired.

To justify holding on, I would adamantly quote Psalm 37:4 — “God will give you the desires of your heart.” But the more I studied that verse, the more I realized how out of context it’s typically used. We often leave out the perceeding declaration, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your Heart.”

While God wants good things for me (and all of us), I cannot ignore that elsewhere in Scripture it tells me to guard my heart and that the human heart is wicked. Not that we are all horrible, but that our hearts can deceive us into thinking our will, our explanation, our desire, our dream is automatically what God wants — without ever truly assessing the matter with Him.

I’m learning that my walk is about the willingness to release something I thought was everything so I can open myself up to the things and plans God has for me. While those things can sometimes be similar, I understand now that my desires and God’s will are not always synonymous.

Very recently, I was hired for a job — and after just over five weeks, I was fired last week for “performance and retention.” Strangely enough, this firing was an answered prayer. For weeks after starting, I felt uneasy and asked God to make it clear if I was in the right place. That answer could not have been more clear.

Still, there’s a part of me that wants to ask, “What’s next?” Ready for God to swoop in with another job and “save the day.” Honestly, the fact that I’m even writing about this right now is surprising, because I typically wouldn’t share things like this until the outcome looked the way I wanted. The highlight reel. But life is full of lowlight reels, and we risk portraying an unrealistic reality if we only share the good times. (Of course, share within reason and according to what you feel called to share.)

The point is — there are things God has shown me, over and over, are His will for me. Yet I didn’t initially desire them. In fact, I ran from them, asking: How could this be me? Why would You choose me for this?

In immaturity, I decided I knew what was best for my life. But those plans didn’t align with God’s reality for me. And while I could choose to do what I want and live as I please, I have seen what that reality looks like firsthand. I don’t want it.

The waiting and releasing have not been easy, but I see the woman I’m becoming — and I smile. Some days I feel like I am literally kicking and screaming, and other days I see the beauty and find peace in this decrease, allowing God to perfect His will in me.

I pray over myself that God continues to move in and through me — that I remain open to the new thing He is doing. I posture my heart to receive things that may look different than I imagined. I renew my mind daily, asking God to search my heart and continue revealing the me that I am becoming.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

@juss.shayla (IG) / thebakinglawyer (tiktok)